I know Victoria's secret
She keeps it under lock and key
Away from me
But all I had to do was ask for it
And she would let me see

I stained up Brenda's garters
And I just found them underneath my drawer
But I wasn't sure
If they had ever belonged to her in high school
I was known as a whore
Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed
Cause I get my share of cookie crumbs in my bed
And you might not think it's easy being so undesirable
I got a book full of secrets about all of Victoria's girls

I stained up Brenda's nightgown
The one that's still got imprints of her breasts
Oh, what a mess
Even when the girl was sleeping she would always dress to impress

I just found Stacey's lip gloss
She used to keep her mouth so slick
But now she's turning tricks
Oh, but when the girl was twelve
She could stop a line of traffic

Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed
Cause I get my share of cookie crumbs in my bed
And you might not think it's easy being so undesirable
I got a book full of secrets about all of Victoria's girls
Let me tell you women, you had better dress up
If you wanna get with me you'd better look like a slut
Cause just your naked body ain't doin' a thing for me
You gotta dress up like a hooker if you wanna do anything with me

I'm gonna tell all ya' all a story about a man named Jed
Who was a poor mountaineer who couldn't keep his family fed
And he didn't think it easy being so undesirable
He didn't have a book full of secrets about all of Victoria's girls